BAU Girls' Night: The Last Stand
by kdzl
Summary: Condemned by the events of their previous Girls' Nights, the women of the BAU decide to try again. H/P, JJ/W, K/G.


_**AN/So, the whole point of writing BAU Girls' Night: A Night In, was so that I could write this story**__**. Let me know what you think, because with this story, I believe I end my dabbling into the Emily/Hotch pairing.**_

* * *

They knew it was a bad idea, even as it was formulating in the diabolical plotting of Penelope Garcia. All three of them, they knew that they would be far better off adhering to the strict "rules" (that word made all three women roll their eyes in disbelief) that their significant others had placed on them. But there was something about the forbidden that held allure that none of them could withstand.

"Did you bring the marshmallows Em?" Garcia whispered conspiratorially as Emily slipped silently into her friend's car.

Emily nodded with a smile. Aaron thought she was visiting her mother this weekend, it had been far too easy to get away unnoticed. Her husband was far to preoccupied with his boys doing what he called 'manly living' to really turn a critical eye to her lie. If he had, he would've instantaneously realized that it was all a facade, there would be no way that Emily would visit her mother under any other circumstances than a death threat.

"JJ said that she'll meet us at her house." She grinned with exhilaration. With Kevin out of town visiting his parents, and his coworker who he asked to watch Garcia now battling a nasty computer virus, and Morgan unable to watch her because of his, quote, 'smoking date'. Reid had his book club, and Rossi was going fishing for the weekend there had only been a few small details to work out so that the women could spend their time in peace. Hotch was going camping with the boys, though Ivan was to young to know what camping even was because Emily was supposedly visiting a sick Elizabeth Prentiss. The moment Hotch had heard Emily's mother's name involved, he readily agreed to let her go alone, as he and her mother didn't always see eye to eye. Now the only bump in the road was Will, who JJ had supposedly _taken care of_. It was all working out according to the plan.

Having experienced the disastrous effects of their outings previously, JJ, Emily, and Garcia had taken every precaution. Getting JJ to agree under threat of death that she wouldn't answer the door under _any_circumstances, the women felt relatively safe in fortifying JJ's home against the possible threats. Being subjected to a world of testosterone without a female support outlet had been damaging to all three women, and even though Garcia was nearly six months pregnant, they decided that their "Girls' Night" needed one more chance.

Knocking conspiratorially on JJ's door, Garcia expected to be quickly ushered by the blonde into the home. What found her on the other side of the door was far more surprising.

"Will? What are you still doing here?" Emily asked as Garcia stared at the southerner in surprise.

"I should ask you the same thing." Will said, opening the door wider so that the two women could enter. "Because I'm sure Aaron and Kevin would love to know--"

"He knows!" JJ called to her friends from what the others assumed was the kitchen. "Will, just let them in."

"Jayje, you told on us?" Garcia asked incredulously as she plopped down on the sofa in the main room. "I feel so betrayed."

"Well, I didn't want to _lie _to him." JJ defended, coming out with bowls of fruit. "And he promised that he'd stay upstairs the whole time. Didn't you sweetie?"

"It's not like I had a choice." Will grumbled, "she told me that you were going to do it with my support or without. This way, if you gals get into trouble, at least I'll be able to call someone. Because the last time--"

"Thanks sweetheart." JJ stopped him by kissing him quickly. "You can go upstairs now."

"At least now I can make sure she won't open the door in the middle of the night." He muttered as he walked up the stairs.

"Am I never going to live that down?" JJ said exasperatedly, "that was _one time."_

"One time and little Ivan nearly came into the world on your sofa." Garcia scoffed.

"Oh, not you too." JJ groaned.

"She has a point." Emily agreed as JJ shot her a monstrous look.

"You don't even have room to talk as we got held up at your freaking bank!" JJ shouted in disbelief, though her chuckling caused her accusations to lose some weight. "I got shot because of you."

"And I went into premature labor because of you." Emily countered evenly. "So do we want to call it a wash?"

"Fine." JJ relented as she flopped pathetically on her couch, which was new since the home invasion. Her coffee table was covered in sugary, chocolatey, estrogen-supporting treats, as to provide for the perfect party time with her girls. Emily and Garcia both opted to sit down as well, Garcia taking the over-sized recliner to allow for maximum elevation of her water-logged ankles as Emily sprawled on the floor.

"Pass me some M&Ms." Emily smiled, enjoying her first chocolate fix since young Ivan was born. While Aaron had always supported her chocolate addiction, it had felt wrong partaking of her favorite sugar infested treats when she was on lock-down. Thus she had been condemned to a life of 'Man food' for the smallest while, eating more red meat than she thought she had in her life.

"Go easy Em," Garcia chuckled. "If you snarf those at the rate you are, you're bound to choke on one and who knows if we'll be able to save you."

JJ hooted softly before joining in. "They always say these things go in threes, so everyone be very careful."

"I don't know what you're worried about JJ." Emily smiled wickedly. "You got shot, I nearly had my baby, I think this time its Garcia who is doomed."

"No speaking of my ultimate demise." Garcia commanded. "Tabitha doesn't like hearing about Mommy getting hurt. Isn't that right Sweetie?" She cooed, rubbing her growing baby belly affectionately.

"You know that Kevin hates the name Tabitha, right?" JJ asked, noting of how since the moment that it was revealed that Garcia was going to have a girl, the woman insisted on calling it a name her fiance despised.

"Yes, because he's crazy." Garcia moaned before breaking out into a devilish grin. "But I have a plan."

"Oh, and what would that be?" Emily asked laughingly, though she was only half joking. She wanted to know what Garcia was planning on doing in case she and Aaron decided to give it another go at a child. It had been like the Civil War trying to get him to agree on a name and she wanted to avoid any further altercations in the future.

"I'm going to call her Tabitha until she's born, then he'll be so used to it, he won't be able to bear the idea of calling her anything else. Its entirely perfect!" She cackled, raising her arms triumphantly.

"Good luck with that." JJ teased loudly. "Will can be such a stubborn pig, I don't think I could ever convince him to agree on anything that he didn't come up with."

"I heard that!" A voice bellowed from the upstairs, though JJ could hear the smile through his words. "Do you want me to call Hotch or not? Because I sure didn't come up with this idea for a Girls Night."

"All words." JJ informed her friends who suddenly looked worried. She smiled broadly before shouting loudly at her husband just up the stairs. "Would you like Hotch's cell phone number? Because who knows? It could certainly help the bromance you two have going on."

"I have it on my speed dial, thank you!" He retorted, refocusing his attention on the football game he was watching.

Emily snorted happily with the blonde, unable to contain herself. Bromance was definitely the best term for whatever Will and Hotch had going on. The pair spoke almost every day, thinking of the best way to 'Protect the women folk'. While Kevin had tried to bond with the men in similar ways, Garcia did a better job at discouraging him, leaving Will and Hotch to plot virtually alone and only update the technical genius through email.

"They are so over-protective." Emily mused softly. "I really cannot conceive how they figure that our getting together is a calamity waiting to happen."

"Its definitely a bit excessive." JJ agreed lightly. "Will even offered to get bullet proof glass for my car, apparently there is nothing like a shoot out from your own vehicle."

Garcia cackled appreciatively, her giggles being silenced by a light knocking on the door.

"I'll get it." JJ chirped, jumping to her feet though she was soon intercepted.

"NO!" Garcia, Emily, and Will all shouted mutinously, Emily practically tackling JJ as Will ran down the stairs to stop his beloved wife. Garcia, for her part, was slightly stuck in the chair but waved her arms emphatically, crying for JJ to leave the door be.

"JJ, what have I told you?" Will bellowed. "Do you have a death wish?"

"But what if it was the girl scouts?" JJ defended innocently, her puppy eyes meeting a gaze of steal.

"Sweetie, girl scouts don't come around during July." He said with complete firmness. "Wait right here and I'll get it, Okay?"

"Okay." JJ answered though she was sure that it was a command and not a question.

"JJ, what are trying to get us almost killed?" Garcia shrieked. "Again!"

"What are the odds of us getting held up again?" JJ retorted as she tilted her head to see who was at the door.

"Emily, someone is here who you might want to see." Will called, though all the women could tell he was fighting a loud chuckle. "You might want to come....Now."

"What the..." Emily began to ask rhetorically before she caught a glimpse of a very familiar jungle themed car seat. "Hi Honey." She said sweetly, though the brown eyes that she met were far from compassionate.

"You're so busted." Hotch said seriously as Ivan squirmed happily, reaching to be picked up by his mama.

"And this was why you weren't supposed to tell Will." Garcia whispered harshly to JJ.

"What was I supposed to do? Lie to him?" JJ said defensively.

"Why not? Heaven knows Emily here has no problem with it." Hotch intercepted, still glaring down his wife.

"Aaron, its nothing, we just wanted to have a little fun." Emily dismissed easily, though Hotch wasn't convinced. "I haven't had chocolate in months!"

"I told you that I didn't want you coming over here." Hotch insisted.

"But Will was here, so nothing really would have happened." Emily said persuasively, causing Will to chuckle slightly.

"So now my presence is appreciated." Will countered. "And here I thought you wanted JJ to lie to me."

"I should have." JJ retorted. "If I had known you were going to tell him, I would have."

"Emily, I think its time to go home." Hotch said adamantly, as Emily shook her head slightly.

"Aaron, I have a father, and I didn't even listen to him. So I don't really think you are going to get me to go home with you." She gave him a light smile. "But if you and Ivan wanted to stay upstairs with Will and Henry, that could be arranged."

"Emily--" He said firmly before he was interrupted.

"Let her stay Hotch." Garcia whined as he turned on her sharply.

"Garcia, you are six months pregnant. You should stay out of this before I begin with you." She quickly retreated, knowing that Hotch and his protective instincts were not something she wanted to mess with.

"Really, you can watch the Patriots game with me." Will suggested. "That way you can hear all the plotting they do."

"We'll just whisper." JJ said to him, her mouth fighting a smile. There were times that she remembered why she and Will were together, and this was possibly one of them.

"With how loud the three of you talk? Good luck." He scoffed as Hotch contemplated his options.

"Fine." Hotch relented. "But so help me Emily, if you so much as let out too loud of a squeal, we are going home."

"Yes Dad." She replied saucily, though she was more than shocked that he actually agreed to it. "Night Ivan." She cooed to her young son, who was happily oblivious to his father's anger.

"Say good night Ivan, because heaven knows that your father thinks your mother might be crazy and restrict visitation rights." Hotch taunted, earning an elbow to the ribs.

"That was uncalled for." Emily teased, only half joking.

"So was lying to me." He countered easily. "You step one toe out of line and so help me, we are going home."

"Yes sir." Emily bit back a smile, shocked that she had won. As the women watched the boys go upstairs, Garcia cheered triumphantly.

"Lets get back to girliness!" She declared happily, pressing play on the DVD player.

"Alright!" The other two women exclaimed excitedly.

* * *

"Did you hear that?" JJ asked worriedly as she heard a light knocking on her large bay window.

"Hear what?" Garcia asked disinterestedly as she continued to watch the romantic comedy playing on JJ's large screen TV.

"Hear that noise. Like someone was trying to get in."

"Nope." Garcia said, ignoring her blonde friend.

"Are you sure?" JJ asked, certain that she had heard something.

"Jayje, you're going to drive me to drink." Emily scoffed as she grabbed a handful of popcorn. "But if it's going to bug you all night, why don't you say something to Will?"

"No." JJ said emphatically. "I'm a grown woman and an FBI agent. I don't need someone to go out and check something for me."

"You're so stubborn." Emily sighed.

"If you were in my place, would you tell Hotch?" JJ countered over her shoulder.

"That's entirely different." Emily insisted, giving the pillow she was holding a tight squeeze.

"How so?" JJ retorted, her eyes shifting unsurly to the windows near them.

"Because Hotch holds my professional and personal future in his hands..." Emily began to explain, before she heard a light creek from above, causing her to grow silent.

"What's that?" Garcia whispered, before shaking off her fear. "It must be Hotch and Will, that's it, they are just walking around upstairs."

"Yeah, they're just walking around." JJ agreed quickly, pulling the blanket around her as if it were a protective shield.

After a moment of silence, the women below realized that those sleeping upstairs were going to bed. Resuming their Chick-flick marathon, the previous concerns were forgotten as they regained the original excitement of the evening.

"You know, I'll never understand why Jamie didn't marry him earlier." JJ said as the closing credits to 'A Walk to Remember' concluded.

"In the book, he gives the dad the ring back." Emily supplied as she ate a handful of popcorn.

"You would know." Garcia scoffed. "I swear, Em, you've read every book in the known Universe."

"Oh, I have not." Emily dismissed.

"Have too. But, anyway what movie is next? 'The Notebook', or 'Pride and Predjudice.'?" JJ asked, picking up the two DVDs. The response was cut off by a slight scratching on the windows.

_Tap. Scratch. Tap._

"Oh dear, and there is scratching on the window, I repeat, scratching!" Garcia shrieked.

"I have mace in one of my kitchen drawers if we need it." JJ informed quietly.

"You two are just paranoid." Emily scoffed, though silently feeling slightly apprehensive herself.

"Well, I think we have reason to be." JJ retorted, putting down the movies and moving to the chair in the far corner of the room.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Emily queried quickly.

"It means, Sugar Puff, that the three of us don't seem to have the best track record." Garcia said, cutting off any retort JJ could make that would increase contention between the two other women.

"Well, that's not my fault." Emily huffed.

"It's not mine either." JJ retorted, sighing, "But, I know, we're just being ridiculous."

As if fate was trying to mock them, the three women stared in horror as the handle to JJ's back door jerked quickly. Each woman's breath hitched in her throat as they realized that something was definitely inside.

"Will! Hotch!" Garcia called loudly, "Come get your big protective man butts down here NOW!"

Ignoring the annoyed look her friends shot her simultaneously, Garcia couldn't help but feel relieved as she heard her friend's husband and boss stumble down the stairs.

"What is it? It's three in the morning!" Will moaned, annoyed. As he walked into the back room, Emily stifled a laugh at Will's bed head with the hair on the left side of his head stood straight up and the right side lay completely flat.

"Someone needs a haircut." Emily mused, only met with a glare from her own husband.

"Emily--" Hotch started warningly.

"Don't start. It wasn't me. Garcia's got herself freaked out of her mind." Emily dismissed, laughing slightly. If she hadn't been lying to a profiler, it would have worked. As it was, Hotch easily saw through her rough exterior and could tell how nervous Emily really was.

"Yeah." JJ laughed nervously. It didn't take a profiler to see that JJ was freaking out right along side her friends. "Someone's watched too much Dateline."

"Whatever the case may be, that door knob _twisted."_ Garcia retorted and turned to Will, "Don't tell Kevin, I'd hate for him to think that I couldn't handle it.

Will chuckled slightly as he realized what must have happened. "I can't believe they went through with it." He said, shaking his head.

"Who went through with what?" JJ asked, leveling her eyes at her husband.

"I really didn't think they would." Will mused as he walked to the back door.

"Who?" JJ asked again as Hotch smirked knowingly, easily avoiding Emily's glare.

"Rossi! Morgan!" Will shouted, pushing away the nagging doubt that he was wrong. "I bet you pulled Reid into this." He grinned as he saw the other three BAU members emerge from behind the corner of the house.

"Hold on just a darn minute!" Garcia said, sticking a finger in the air angrily. "Morgan and Rossi?"

"Wait? And you aren't surprised?" JJ muttered accusingly. "William, I love you sometimes, but you are so sleeping on the couch for the rest of your life."

"This was worth it." Will whispered as three familiar male members of the BAU entered the small house.

"I am going to murder you." Emily threathened them, her eyes shooting daggers.

"You have to admit." Reid chuckled nervously. "It was funny...sort of." He amended quickly as Emily shot an even worse look.

"Now Emily, I told you that this wasn't a good idea." Hotch hooted softly in his wife's ear, earning a sharp elbow to the ribs.

"Are you really about to push your luck?" She retorted, her eyes leaving no room for argument.

"You were scared..." He taunted in a song like voice.

"No I wasn't...I was, just...dealing with the two terrified women over there!" She said, pointing at Garcia and JJ. "Thanks to you its going to be a nightmare getting them to go to bed."

"That won't be your problem as you will not be having a sleepover." Morgan chuckled. "You three seem to have a death wish."

"Why wouldn't you just obey the rules?" Reid asked, this time earning a painful stare from JJ.

"The party is over." Rossi announced in a commanding tone. "We did this for your own good. Now, Hotch take Emily home. Garcia, Kevin knows now and he is furious, he says he wants you to go home with Morgan. Will make sure JJ doesn't allow any more strangers into your house."

"You can't do that." Emily countered before earning an angry glare of her own from Hotch.

"Emily--" He warned.

"Fine." She relented begrudgingly, following her husband out of the open door, carrying a still oblivious Ivan in her arms, the rest of the team soon following behind them. Leaving JJ and Will standing there in silence, her surveying him frustratedly.

"I trusted you." She muttered through gritted teeth.

"Your mistake." He laughed with a charming smile. "I just thought Kevin and Hotch deserved to know that the three of you were putting your lives in danger."

"It was just a sleepover." JJ defended.

"Didn't you at one point tell them where you hid the mace?" He retorted warmly, causing her to stick her tongue out at him. "Wow, Sweetheart, that was mature."

"I hate you." She responded over her shoulder, beginning to clean up the food that the women had scattered around the table.

"No you don't." He laughed, pulling her in his arms and giving her a warm kiss. "You couldn't hate me if you wanted to."

"I do hate you...And for the record, I did tell them where the mace was but that was just to calm Garcia down." She lied, not missing how his eyes grew wide. "Honey, what is it?" She asked worriedly.

"Sp--Spid--Spider." He stuttered, eyeing a small black blob on the floor that JJ easily stepped on with her slipper clad foot, laughing uncontrollably.

"Oh is someone scared of the little spider?" She asked in her most patronizing voice, causing him to glare.

"Have you seen Arachnophobia?" He defended. "One day they are these little things and then next--THEY CAN EAT YOUR BRAINS OUT!"

"I have yet to hear about a brain eating spider." She teased. "Its alright, don't worry. Big JJ will protect you."

"Cute." He retorted, leading her up the stairs. "You save me from spiders, I will save you from crazed serial killers that you seem to love to open the door for."

"As long as we have a plan." She laughed, her previous anger melting away. Little did Will know about the little get together that the girls had planned for next month. This time, she was keeping it a secret.


End file.
